1 year ago
Wednesday, October 26, 2016
All of my life, in every season.....
Flashback to 3 years ago. On a morning like this you might have found me sitting behind our son, holding him to keep him safe, both of us sobbing. It could have been for a number of reasons. He tripped, somebody turned a light on, somebody touched something he wanted to play with, I asked him to "be careful," his brother looked at him, somebody whistled. There are just a few people who had a glimpse of our daily life at that time. I literally followed Austin around from room to room sitting behind him to keep him safe if he hit his head on the floor. Then he would be so upset at me when I did that he would get more upset and throw himself back into me and escalate. Jake and I can both attest to getting bruises and wondering at times if that meltdown would result in a broken nose for one of us. Wondering if he would have a concussion after hearing the sound of his head hitting the floor while we ran downstairs to switch laundry during a moment we thought he would be ok. The exhaustion and aching arms after getting through a meltdown. Those moments seem so long ago but will never be forgotten. Jake and I both feel that God has used those moments in our lives to reach out and connect with other parents going through something similar. I don't share these moments to get pity because I can assure you, even in those days that I couldn't wait to just get in the shower to let it out and cry, I could not love our son any more if I tried. Jake, Cameron, Nolan, and I see life with different eyes. We see things so much better now. We are better for it. Although I would have gladly told you to "keep your better eyes. I don't want them" on some days. I also understand the feeling of watching your child struggle and wanting to do all you can to help them experience joy. If somebody told me a few years ago that our son would be ok, that he will experience joy, that he will make everybody around him laugh because he is just so funny, that he would stop hitting his head, I probably would have just looked at you and said "OK. Great. What about today? I can't do today." I am aware that people are tired of hearing about our experience with Sensory Processing Disorder and how we have been enrolled in therapy for years, how we have meetings to plan his IEP for school, how we have special diets for our son, research vitamins and supplements and how they might help his body because his just doesn't make enough. I am not writing this post for you and you probably quit reading by now :) It is for the parents who are in this moment that are doing the best they can to keep their child safe from an intense meltdown. I have not forgotten where we have been and I will never forget. Life is much different now. So. Much. Different. You will get through this day. You will get through this moment. I feel your achy arms. I feel your eyes watering from that blow to your nose. You will be ok. You are amazing. You are not alone. I pray that you have the people in your life to lift you up when you cannot lift your arms up for one more second. May you feel the peace that only God can give and know that you will be ok. Your child will be ok. You are not alone. We will never forget.